Love Puny Again
by Greenfrie
Summary: Il Palazzo's new dating sim causes more chaos than the first one. Excel and Hyatt investigate the cause of Watanabe's behavior, while Matsuya tries to fight him. Animebased.
1. Lost Identity

"Excuse me…" Hyatt said. "The supreme ideological organization of ACROSS has the following message intended for the masses of the Earth."

"May those of you who celebrate this corrupt holiday be punished!" Excel shouted, shaking an angry fist while jumping in front of Hyatt. "The greeting cards used to convey messages on this day are mere cover-ups for the conspiracy that is-"

And, as many Excel Saga chapters, episodes, and fanfictions usually begin, Hyatt died momentarily and Excel was purged via the trap door.

"Next time, stick to the original speech," Il Palazzo muttered, letting go of the rope. "And I, for one, have more to say on the matter. This so called holiday shall lead to the purging of all humanity as of right n-"

"Lord Il Palazzo!" Excel exclaimed frantically, climbing from the pit with a large snake rapped around her. "Those prisoners you kept down there finally finished your dating sim game!"

"Not in front of the camera," he said through clenched teeth, glaring. He pulled down the rope once more, closing the trap door. The young woman's arm was stuck, holding the game.

"OH FOR THE LOVE OF THE IDEAL OF ACROSS, GET THIS DAMNED THING OFF ME BEFORE-"

The leader got off his throne and took the game from her. "I'll take that… to use for my thesis on corruption…" Upon getting back to his throne, he tugged at the rope and sent Excel hurtling back down to the bottom, crushing and killing four Nabesoft employees.

* * *

In a small grocery store in Fukuoka, a certifiably insane looking man approached the door. He bumped into one of his assistants on the way, sending the several stolen objects flying out of his shirt. **(1)**

"Sorry, Mr. Rikdo!" the assistant exclaimed.

"You moron!" he glared. "I wish you hadn't recovered from your motorcycle accident, you little…"

"Hey, you bastard!" snarled a security guard, who pounced on the poor manga artist.

"I swear, I'm innocent!"

"I've read Excel Saga," the guard informed him. "I know there's something wrong with you."

"Don't I have to be read my rights first?" **(2)**

"Fine…" He reached for a slip of paper from his jacket pocket. "Koshi Rikdo gives permission to turn Excel Saga into a dating sim themed fanfic."

"But I never-"

The guard ignored him and punched him in the forehead. It happened to leave a series of scratches shaped conveniently like Rikdo's stamp.

**LOVE PUNY AGAIN**

**Chapter One: Lost Identity**

The silver-haired man sat on his throne, in the basement that would become the headquarters of the rulers of the world. This dream was absurd, but he kept a serious tone for a while.

After staying still, he tilted is head to detect the presence of his underlings. No one was there—however, the absence of blood on the tiles and earsplitting rambling could have told him that. A grin spread across his face as he slid a rectangular, golden device out from his pocket.

_No! _A voice from within him injected a warning into his brain. _You know it's dangerous!_ But Il Palazzo dismissed it. Who was this voice to deny him his dating sim?

He questioned himself anyway. Why did he hold the machine in his hands when it contained that infernal cartridge? The last Nabesoft game he played led only to explosions and chaos in the world meant for ACROSS.

But the force of the game won him over. He couldn't resist the sensation of playing the game, despite the negative affects towards the world it would inevitably trigger.

His right index finger pushed the switch. This action would lead to more chaos than he could comprehend. The Nabesoft logo, a man with an afro and mustache, flashed for a second, and then it started...

* * *

Watanabe woke up in his messy apartment. He had spent all of yesterday trying to clean it up for Miss Ayasugi's visit. She, unbeknownst to him, ended up dead in the middle of a busy road. In the end, the apartment was destroyed by Iwata, who later developed a concussion and a red mark shaped like a fire extinguisher.

Suddenly, the young man's eyes opened. He found himself in a yellow bedroom, which was actually clean as opposed to his own. In front of him was a young blonde in a green school uniform, sitting on his bed.

"Brother IlPala …" she started.

"_DAMN!" exclaimed the leader of ACROSS. It had been years since the first game was released and they _still_ only allowed six characters in a name!_

"We've got to get to school, IlPala!" she shouted, shaking Watanabe.

"But I graduated!" protested Watanabe, now renamed IlPala.

Unfortunately, Excel wouldn't accept this. She slammed a stick on IlPala's desk squarely into his face, scrambling his mind.

"Oh no, I'll be late for school!"

* * *

"I said, are you okay?" questioned the real Excel, who was jabbing at Watanabe's figure with a stick.

Thankfully, he woke up with a dazed expression on his face. Finally, someone Excel could beg for money! Excel could finally afford the entire loaf of bread!

* * *

IlPala, formerly Watanabe, leapt from his bed.

_However, instead of following the regular dating sim rules, Il Palazzo decided to vent his anger over the naming system. His glare shifted towards the options._

_Options:_

_A- Go to school_

_B- Ignore_

_C- Kill_

_D- Put it in_

_Rolling his eyes over from C to D and back several times, he finally made a decision and scrolled to Option C._

"WHAT? You're terrible, brother--"

IlPala immediately silenced her with a bullet to the face from his pistol. His eyes widened at the sight of his sister gushing blood.

_Il Palazzo, on the other hand, chuckled with satisfaction. The only thing that could improve the situation would be if she died from a trap-door/shark/alligator related injury._

* * *

"Damn, this is getting weird," the ACROSS employee muttered. Watanabe was sitting upright, but his expression was similar to Hyatt's when she was in between life and death.

Suddenly, the once-normal man walked up. He silently walked to a drawer and took a handgun with the phrase "For that bastard" (whose identity is obvious) taped to it.

"What's with that?" Excel questioned, a drop of sweat falling from her forehead.

He fired a bullet at her, causing a bang that sent her jumping back. Thankfully, Iwata was trying to sneak some food from his neighbor's fridge at the time. **BLAM! **He hit the ground with a thud, a pool of blood leaking from his side. Watanabe didn't respond.

There was no way he was himself.

"Well, Mr. Ignorant-Member-Of-The-Masses-Who-Shows-Signs-of-Dementia, I've got to get the hell out of here before I meet a bullet-ridden fate! Adios!"

Excel kicked down the door in mid-air, and, considering her malnourishment, must have required a lot of willpower. But the idea of getting shot in the face kept her running.

"Ha-chan!" she shouted, pushing the door open. Not wanting to waste time, she picked up the corpse of her friend under her arm and continued running. "If you're still alive, you probably wanna know that the guy who found a way to break into our apartment when you're showering is going insane even for us and could probably kill me or kill you permanently for once so wake up!"

This sentence was recorded by one of Kabapu's surveillance committees and studied extensively for months. No one could decipher it, and it was eventually trampled by a hyperactive Ropponmatsu II.

* * *

IlPala stood in front of the school with his sister. He walked through the hallway, searching for someone he recognized, when he accidentally bumped into a young woman with red hair.

"IlPala-kun!" she exclaimed. "Watch where you're going, you fool!"

"_No one insults the honorable upcoming king of this world!" he grunted, but managed to control himself. After all, the ruler of the entire human race should remain calm._

_Options:_

_A- Apologize_

_B- Insult_

_C- Create a distraction and run like hell_

_D- Put it in_

_Il Palazzo, who was about to select "C", accidentally let his finger slip and choose "D". _

"_Oh dear…" he muttered. "Oh well, it _is_ only a game, after all…"_

* * *

Excel was hiding in the sewers, panting heavily. Slime oozed from everywhere, and the river of sewage continued to flow. She was extremely familiar with this place, but it was strange to be there when home from work. From outside, she heard a female voice shrieking "WATANABE!" which was followed by a noise quite similar to a hand grenade exploding.

"You okay, Ha-chan?" she asked.

The dark-haired girl woke up and stood up. She blinked a few times and reached for her glasses, which were miles away.

"Oh dear, Senior… The angels were…"

"No time to discuss the afterlife!" Excel interrupted. "That guy—he's coming to kill us all!"

"The TV bill collector…?"

"NO! I told you, it's that neighbor who's always following you around! He just shot a man! Surely that Iwata guy had it coming, but it was intended for me! What will become of ACROSS if I, the best damn…latrine orderly our organization's ever had, ends up shot by some psychopath?"

"Our toilets would degrade in quality, Senior," commented Hyatt, trying to boost her coworker's self esteem.

"Exactly!" declared the blonde, standing on the head of one of the sewer monsters. "Therefore, I propose that we must infiltrate every building in Fukuoka in order to obtain information about his insanity!"

"A noble idea, Senior."

Excel's "Hail Il Palazzo!" was drowned out as Watanabe was subsequently being beaten over the head. (_"This will be the last time…" Il Palazzo told himself, before bursting into laughter at the video game Misaki's reaction.)_

* * *

_The leader of ACROSS sat lazily at his throne. In one hand was a thick magazine used by the masses to spread news on virtual entertainment. In his right hand was the generic-to-avoid-lawsuits game console. He scanned the book carefully._

"_Love Painful, Love Pimp… Ah, Love Puny Again!" he said, his eyes lighting up. Before conquering the city, he would conquer the dating sim. "Cheat codes? Blasphemy! The Supreme Lord Il Palazzo merely finds ways to outsmart even machines! I'd never stoop to… Ooh, a violence mod…"_

_He carefully typed in the code. The screen began to expel a massive glow that enveloped the entire city. _

"_Press start to play 'Love Puny Revenge'," an electronic voice instructed._

"_No one orders Il Palazzo!" the man snarled, crushing the game in his right hand. "…Oh no!"_

_After the game was fixed at an overpriced gaming store, Il Palazzo wrote them on his 'Kill immediately' list and resumed playing._

IlPala sat at a desk, listening to a lecture that the game programmers neglected to script. Because of this, he fell asleep. The teacher promptly shot at him with a machine gun, only adding to the anime clichés.

After the bullets started bouncing off his skin at an alarming speed, the young man shrieked in pain. The name "Iwata!" immediately escaped his mouth out of instinct.

"Damn it, that hurt, you bastard!" he shouted, feeling an urge to commit murder overwhelm him quickly. _Suddenly, to Il Palazzo's surprise, the options went from the normal A-D (D being 'Put it in', of course) to an additional E-H (all graphic descriptions of violent acts). To his disappointment, none of them involved dropping teenage girls through trap doors._

"_Hmm… G sounds entertaining enough…" he told himself._

"Why are just standing there?" snapped the male teacher, waving a ruler. The machine gun would have been more affective. "Hmm?"

IlPala's eyes opened in an instant, but in a pure white expression. His pupils had vanished mysteriously in rage. The teacher gulped. His gun seemed insignificant in comparison to the machete in the main character's hands.

"Have pity on a simple NPC!" he pleaded, instantly dropping his tough attitude to beg for his life. "You'll get a bad ending if you kill me! Really! This is a dating sim, right? When the hell does this happen in a game of this natu-"

A swift blade to the jugular eliminated the annoyance. The game's protagonist rammed the blade into the generic character's back, spraying incredibly fake looking blood everywhere. The fact that his eyes turned into "x"s really detracted from the reality.

The rest of the class watched in horror as blood splattered onto the desks and walls. IlPala growled and kicked the door open before dashing away like a rabid animal.

"_These game programmers had issues that are quite apparent," Il Palazzo commented in his 'I'm-the-future-ruler-of-humanity' headquarters and continued to send his game character on a killing spree._

"IlPala-kun…?" a faint, female voice called out. The psychopath's eyes opened in surprise. "Miss Ayasugi?"

_Options:_

_A- Go to class with_

_B- Ask on a date_

_C- Use lockers  
D- Put it in_

_E- Stab_

_F- Rob_

_G- Kill her annoying friend_

_It was increasingly obvious where this was heading. "Well, in the first game she was friendly with the annoying blonde girl… I like this girl too much to kill." He selected G._

As soon as the command entered his brain, IlPala ignored the dark-haired girl and dashed out the door. The scenery around him morphed into a colorful blur, until it appeared to him that he was in the city.

The young man jumped high into the air before ripping a rocket launcher from some bizarre void in the sky. He pulled the trigger several times, jerking him backwards with the explosions. Cars began to fling themselves into the air as clouds of smoke gathered everywhere.

* * *

Needless to say, the real world wasn't in any better condition. Matsuya stared out the window as her coworker smashed open car windows and beat civilians before her eyes. She immediately grabbed Iwata and pulled at his arm until he shouted in pain.

"What the hell did you do to Watanabe that made him snap?" she growled furiously. "It has to be you behind this!"

"Misaki, why am I always the first one blamed when he's the one killing people over there!" Norikuni protested. His coworker slammed him into a wooden desk, snapping it in two. "What about that chick he's so obsessed with?"

The red-headed woman dropped her enemy, causing him to hit the tiles on the floor hard. "I did see her lying on the floor covered in blood… Is Watanabe doing this out of grief?"

She walked to the closet, ignoring a heavily bleeding Iwata.

"And I was goddamn shot in the arm two hours ago, too… I knew I should have skipped work…"

In the closet was a bright green suit. The rest of the Daitenzin suits were damaged in a fire that _one_ of them was more than slightly responsible for.

"I guess I'll have to go alone, then," she sighed.

* * *

**Footnotes:**

**(1)Haha, just kidding. Rikdo always abides by the laws, and by the way he's abused in the anime it's obvious that he can take a joke. If not, I have a series of very angry Japanese lawyers after me.**

**(2)I have no idea what is said during an arrest in Japan, and, quite frankly, I don't want to learn.**


	2. Watanabe Strikes! Cliched title

**Note, in case this was unclear: **IlPala describes Watanabe's actions in the game, whereas Watanabe is his real-life actions.

…Oh yeah, ZOMG FIGHT SCENES.

**LOVE PUNY AGAIN**

**Chapter Two: Watanabe Strikes!**

A possessed Watanabe leapt into the air once more, firing wave after wave of bullets toward everything in sight. Many feet below, in the depths of Fukuoka's sewer system, Excel listened to the assault in horror. Hyatt was dead, but surely someone in the afterlife had informed her of the terrible news.

"Hey, Ha-chan!" the living one said, poking her friend with her index finger. "Stop dying of disease or you'll be shot to death!"

"S…senior…" she gasped, blood dribbling from her mouth. "It seems that it is Watanabe from the city's justice department…"

"Great, Ha-chan, we've got a name! I knew that you having your soul outside your mortal body so often would help ACROSS in the end!"

"I am glad that my misfortune helps us, Senior," the dark-haired girl said with a small smile.

"That's right! Selflessness is the key to ACROSS's victory! Had you merely been healthy, you would be happy, yet the ideals of ACROSS would be defeated! That goes the same way for our wondrous leader, who put even his beloved dating sim hobby on hold to work hard on that research! And Excel…" She froze. "…So, Ha-chan, let's keep walking!"

They marched onward through the decaying pipes. On the way, Hyatt collapsed into the sludge flowing on the bottom, causing an echoing splash.

"HEY! KEEP IT DOWN, OR ELSE WATANABE'S GOING TO FIND…" Once again, Excel froze because she contradicted herself.

**The Mind of Excel:**

**Inciting Action: Excel screams her head of in a sewer with no closed manholes during a crazed civil servant's violent campaign.**

**Result: EXCEL, YOU MORON, YOU'VE ENSURED YOUR DEATH!**

"…SHIT!"

"It is highly likely he will find that in this sewer, Senior…" whispered Hyatt.

"Get out of the filth of the masses and help me search through here! You know as well as I do that you probably know more about the situation than me."

"I do believe the last time Watanabe showed peculiar behavior was when he…"

"Installed those cameras? Put on that weird Sentai suit? Narrated in great detail a dream involving you involving a maid costume and a significantly less dead you while he was sleep-talking?"

"…was under the influence of…"

"Crack? Alcohol? I knew these masses were damning themselves with those substances! But do they listen to Excel? Nooooo. They always run over to get a cross or stake or an iron maiden of some sorts! Oh God, I always knew this was going on!"

"…Il Palazzo's romance video game."

A part of Excel's mind exploded.

"BLASPHEMER!" she shrieked, the sound waves hurling Hyatt's fragile body into the walls of the sewer pipe. "NEVER ACCUSE LORD IL PALAZZO OF SUCH A CRIME AGAINST EVERYTHING WE STAND FOR! LAST TIME, THAT WAS MERELY A RELATIVE OF HIS THAT COULD MATCH HIS INCREDIBLY GODLY LOOKS BUT NEVER HIS INTELLIGENCE! HE'S WORKING HARD, NOT RISKING OUR SAFETY FOR A GAME! SO IF YOU ACCUSE HIM AGAIN, I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!"

The blonde blinked twice. She walked over to her friend, who was stiff and pale (as she was most of the time). "Sorry, Ha-chan, I just get a bit passionate about our leader? You okay? Or at least not as dead by your standards?"

Before she could get an answer, a bolt of electricity sent chunks of the ground into various directions at a high speed. Excel's head immediately shot upward so she could witness the event.

The green Daitenzin member leapt several feet above the shattered ground, slamming a metal-covered foot into Watanabe's face. He spat a few drops of blood, which happened to fall into the sewer. Excel dismissed it as Hyatt's.

"So it's really you, Watanabe-kun," gasped Misaki, who was breathing heavily from the long battle. "I could tell you were going insane for those perverted things you tried to do to me."

"I know whatcha mean. Ya know he has cameras installed in my bathroom?"

"No kidding?" she asked, completely ignoring the psychopath in favor of a dull conversation. "I thought that would be Iwata."

"I'm Ayasugi's roommate," Excel said, forgetting Il Palazzo's second rule ("Don't disclose any information about any ACROSS base—that means you, Excel.") for a moment.

"That might explain it."

"Yep."

The possessed Watanabe delivered a swift uppercut into his coworker's jaw while she was distracted. She glared.

"Is everyone supposed to be acting unlike themselves now?" Misaki asked, realizing how unlike her it was to be distracted so easily.

"Hyatt ain't running a marathon, so I guess n-"

"SHUT UP ALREADY!" Matsuya kicked Excel in the top of her head, sending her back where she came from.

"I fall into this sewer too damn muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuch!"

There was a loud splash, informing Matsuya that the random woman that approached her fell into a puddle of whatever was running through the sewer system. She just jumped onto a car, ignoring the human suffering around hear to focus on her enemy.

"Traitor!" she shouted, jumping off the car and aiming her pistol directly towards Watanabe's head. It rubbed against his skin before she shouted, "Delta End!"

---------

Il Palazzo held his gaming console in both hands, glaring at it. Apparently, his player was slowly losing his life meter.

"The ruler of ACROSS must be invincible! How dare they add an energy bar to hamper my gaming progress? Me of all people!"

Someone would die for this.

---------

IlPala fell backwards, blood slowly leaking from his face. He had been commanded by some unknown force to keep killing NPCs. But apparently the character that looked suspiciously similar to Misaki (whose identity he had forgotten) could fight back.

His body lay on the ground as a pool of blood continued to flow from his forehead. The Matsuya character grinned.

"That's what you get for hacking the game, bitch," she spat.

"_Now who's gonna die?" growled a very frustrated gamer, selecting the 'Glass shards' option from the game menu._

---------

The Sentai hero sat on a parked (and flattened) car, breathing heavily. She took what she thought was a final look at her former friend. But her duty as Daiten Ladies, as well as her anger that Watanabe had blown a hole in her apartment wall recently, erased her regret.

She got off the car and approached the body. Surely Kabapu would want to see who had been destroying the town he worked so hard to steal from the mayor. It would cost him millions in embezzled money to fix up the neighborhood.

But suddenly, Watanabe flinched. Aghast, Matsuya jumped backwards. She had killed him, and quite thoroughly. But, in a matter of seconds, he was back on his feet, holding a pistol in both of his shaky hands.

"How can you still be alive?" she asked, not expecting an answer. "I shot you in the face! This isn't Dragon Ball Z; you can't come back to live seven times in a half hour period!"

By the way, she never met Hyatt. Who, coincidentally, was dead at the moment.

---------

"I have the feeling that you never die as much when I'm not around."

Excel had Hyatt's corpse on her shoulders. That would have been odd if it were anyone else, such as the strangely immortal Watanabe, but for ACROSS it was just an average day. Isn't that sad?

She sighed and shook her head. They had no idea where to look for or what to look for. The only reason they were in the dank hellhole in the first place was to escape the gunfire.

"DAMN IT! I WANT FOOD AND…crap, what rhymes with that? Wow, I have to work on my English puns. They just don't feel as right as my Japanese ones. I mean, sure, they involved chest hair and potatoes and whatnot, but at least I came up with something. Come on, Excel, you're losing it!"

As Excel pondered the translation of her character, rats began to carry off her ailing sidekick. The earthquakes caused by a Sentai character being slammed into the ground repeatedly made them lose balance and accidentally dump her down a bit.

"…I mean, does that rhyme with turkey? Curse this corrupt langu… Ha-chan? Hey… Shouldn't you have done your punch line about my absurd ranting right about now? Ha-chan?"

She zipped out of her place and dashed to several places in fractions of a second. The only possible option was to slide down the "water"-fall (in a very disgusting misuse of the word).

After slipping down the repulsive stream of sewer water, Excel saw her friend lying dead in front of a locked door.

"Is this ACROSS's old weapon storage room? Normally, I'd never open this during an apocalypse that's going on just outside, as it would give our enemy all he needs to kill us all, but maybe he's stolen all of it or something like that so we should really try to do that, okay Ha-chan? Excel's lungs are running out of air and she can't talk like this for long! How can you breathe with all the blood in yours Ha-cha-ack!"

Excel collapsed on top of Hyatt, who released a steam of blood from her mouth on impact. "So…this…is…what…you…go…through…" Excel said between gasps at the slowest rate in her life.

When Excel got up, she took Hyatt's corpse and put it over her shoulder. It had been an abnormally long amount of time that she had been dead.

"Come on, you're the only one not threatened by a mass murderer. Shouldn't you consider yourself lucky and WAKE UP SO WE CAN CONTINUE OUR MISSION?"

Groaning, Excel took a key that she had stolen from her leader (it was the hardest thing she ever had to do, and she punished herself for it later) and twisted it in the door.

**To Be Continued, unless you actually thought I'd end the story with such a lousy line. In that case, you don't deserve to keep reading. Shame on you.**


	3. God of the Macrocosm

**Love Puny Again **

**Chapter Three: God of the Macrocosm**

Pushing the door open, Excel gazed into the glory that was the ACROSS weapons base...

...that was currently populated with nerdy Japanese men chained to chairs typing furiously at their computers.

"So then Matsuya's going to take off her sh..." one began, before noticing the intruder. "Finally! Hey, assistant 87, someone's here!"

A bald man looked up from his computer. "At last!"

Excel raised an eyebrow, confused by the fact that their enthusiasm actually surpassed hers. "Um... what's going on here?"

Assistant 87 spoke up first. "The man with the cape chained us down here months ago when he found out that the latest Love Puny game would be the last. We're scripting it as we speak."

"Why do you need a plot?" the blonde challenged. "Do you have any idea how long the anime went without anything resembling one? And, more importantly, don't you know your dating sim games? All you need is pictures and pointless dialogue that leads to hentai!"

The two assistants froze. One of their jaws unhinged and fell to the ground.

"If we'd known that, we'd be out of here months ago!"

"Mumgmaagsgasga?" asked the jawless programmer. Sumiyoshi, the handy-to-have-around guy that he always is, popped in for a second to add the subtitles, "Is that one of the cape guy's minions?"

"Get 'er!"

"Run, Ha-chan! Or crawl really fast! That's good too! Should they drug me into unconsciousness and drag me into some weird place, I want you to get me out, got that? I guess if I'd stopped talking they wouldn't know where I'm going, so I guess I'll stop now. Okay, Ha-chan?"

The Nabesoft game production staff hopped as fast as they could to catch up to Excel, who had already dashed further into the ACROSS base. Of course, her luck triggered Hyatt's banana peel from the opening credits to slip through the cracked Earth, land into their underground base, and trip her.

Excel's head slammed into the hard floor, which, when combined with the toxic radiation, caused her vocabulary of unnecessarily long words to fling at the programmers. But the men merely swung their laptops at the subtitles, sending "antidisestablishmentarianism" hurtling at Excel and knocking her out. "The" ricocheted off the walls and hit Hyatt, killing her upon impact.

**

* * *

**

IlPala stood over a dead Matsuya, tossing a knife away. He smirked, all other thoughts of what to do blocked out of his mind. Apparently, he inherited IlPalazzo's fascination with killing young women.

But before he could take out his mysterious rage on other NPCs, he heard a voice from the distance.

"Hey! You bastard!"

* * *

Turning away from the broken, battered green sentai, Watanabe was face to face with what everyone else saw as Iwata. The other young man appeared as if he'd rushed there at an incredible pace, as he hadn't uttered a word after those three in minutes. After he was finished with gasping for air, Norikuni raised a pistol to his coworker's forehead.

"Son of a… bitch… How dare you rip my dream from me… My only hope… I won't hold back against you. I've got nothing else to lose."

"You tell him, Senior Iwata," commented the first Ropponmatsu.

Norikuni's head jerked toward the lovely android. "Oh, s—"

Watanabe rushed at him without showing any expression. Iwata fell to the ground, but quickly recovered and found his hand gun yards away from him.

When he picked up the gun and looked upward, his new nemesis's fist was seconds away from slamming into him. Thankfully, Watanabe was down after a single bullet.

* * *

"At last," Il Palazzo said to himself with a chuckle. "Matsuya's out of the way. Now I can get back to why I bought this game."

_Hyatt: "Oh, hello IlPala-kun. Why, you're at the department store too!"_

_Hit on her_

_Ask to join_

_Stalk her and look into the women's locker room_

_Put it in_

_Stab_

"What do you think?" the leader snapped at his game, before checking to see if anyone else was around, then selecting "C".

* * *

As IlPala bent down to the hole in the locker room door he'd just found, everything around him began to blur. Did he get a Bad Ending for being caught? Wait, why would he know what a Bad Ending is? Was this a dating sim? It seemed like one, now that he thought about it. After all, Watanabe had secretly borrowed Sumiyoshi's collections without asking.

Sumiyoshi and Watanabe… His friend and himself… He had finally regained his memory, much to his relief. He fell to his knees and shed tears of joy, as the life he could have been permanently taken away from had been restored.

And then he blacked out with a bullet in his skull.

* * *

Watanabe woke up, staring into the sunglasses of the scarred Dr. Iwata. The silver haired man cursed under his breath.

"What happened?"

"You were shot in the head by my little cousin. Son of a bitch that he is. Join the club."

"Shouldn't that have killed me?"

"Sir, in normal hospitals, people don't die of minor colds. We're a world apart from anything close to reality. 'Course, if you want to die…"

"No! I'm good! I'll just run away now."

"They always do when I'm honest."

* * *

Il Palazzo, bored with his video game, decided that it was time to watch some corrupt, unenlightening news from the corrupt, unenlightened media invented for the corrupt, unenlightened masses. Not caring about the lack of brevity in his description of "FQX News", he took a remote control from one of the many secret compartments in his cloak and turned on the television that he placed in Excel's spot.

"Fukuokan residents have reported a string of disasters that they can only describe as acts of the Great Will of the Macrocosm. The local civil servants' offices are in ruin, and head of the Department of City Security Dr. Kabapu is blaming the popular children's anime and video game franchise, Pokemon."

The clip cut to the odd-looking politician. "Well, Shinji, it seems that young Toru Watanabe, a former employee of mine, in fact, has performed a 'seismic toss' on the Earth, attacked with a 'flamethrower' and caused all the telephones to deliver a 'thunder shock' onto unsuspecting residents. Clearly these are all Pokemon moves."

"Mr. Kabapu, if I may, we heard that he was using guns and brute force, not Pokemon attacks. Also, what are your thoughts on Misaki Matsuya, another employee of yours that the crazed Watanabe killed with his bare hands?"

"Ah, yes, Matsuya… Quite a tragedy indeed. There are tears in my eyes, as you can see."

"We can only see your eyes in the manga and manga-based writings. Can't see a damned thing from here."

"And the less you know, the better."

The reporter chuckled nervously. "And what about reports saying your two other female employees, the Ropponmatsu sisters, I believe, have been repeatedly sited after multiple deaths?"

"Ah, well—" he coughed, "—they were both practicing members in the Church of the Great Will, as I am as well. Who knows, maybe Her mercy is what revives them perpetually, Great Will bless them."

"…Sure, we'll buy that."

Il Palazzo froze, dropping the remote to the ground. In the background, he could still hear Kabapu talking to the reporter, probably thinking the microphone was turned off, but that was second in his mind.

What were the odds that Misaki would die the same day he killed her character in the game. And, more importantly, what were the odds that the characters in his game would look exactly the same as his neighbors?

It was no coincidence. He killed someone just by hacking the newest Love Puny game. He had the ultimate power in the entire universe.

"Finally!" he snapped. "It took the Great Will long enough to grant me what I deserved! At last the cosmos is under the control of only I, Il Palazzo of ACROSS!"

* * *

Underground, Excel's "ACROSS victory sense" triggered her to break out of her state of unconsciousness.

"Yes! At last, we're number one, and my helping you all this time has to be a somewhat contributing factor to all of this! Hail Il Palazzo, foolish mortals!"

She glanced to her left to see Hyatt oozing blood onto her shoulder, unconscious (unconscious by Hyatt's standards, anyway). The ropes that bound them in place weren't as common as the rest of the situation.

"Ha-chan! I knew you weren't a reliable servant of ACROSS! But Il Palazzo keeps _you_ around and dumps _me_ in that trap door on a regular basis, submerging me in the corrupt masses' filth! Where's the justice there, Ha-chan?"

"I'm sorry Senior," Hyatt whispered. "It seems I died hours ago… As I usually do."

"Ah, yes. Well, GET UP!"

Excel smacked Hyatt. Due to her light weight, the dark haired corpse flew a few feet after the strike. This loosened the ropes, causing them to fall to Excel's feet.

"Finally! Those hemp-based constraining devices are child's play compared to the eels I have to fight off constantly! And the alligators, oh God the alligators; vile reptiles from hell they are. Once you think you've killed them, they just jump up and slam those huge jaws down on… Ha-chan, are you listening? I thought you'd want to learn how to die less frequently, being as perpetually terminally ill as you are."

The blonde turned her head at almost 360 degrees before realizing Hyatt's absence.

"Hmm? Ha-chan? Other random dialogue, as I can't stop speaking after just a grunt and a coworker's nickname, probably linked to ADHD or Rikdo Koshi's bizarre opinion of women? Well, that filled up the time nicely."

"Your friend isn't here," a mysterious female voice echoed.

"What did you do to her? Whatever you're doing to her is useless! Killing her will not thwart ACROSS!"

"I, Secret Leader of Nabesoft, am quite aware of that. You're here because I, Secret Leader of Nabesoft, told all my underlings to collect ACROSS members. You're number two in the organization, if I'm not mistaken?"

"That's top secret ACROSS information that only a number two ACROSS officer like me can be entrusted with."

"Thank you."

"Damn!"

"Don't worry for ACROSS. I, Secret Leader of Nabesoft, have been working to ensure Il Palazzo's rise to power. But, at the same time, I, Secret Leader of Nabesoft, have been conspiring against you. You, Excel, to be exact."

"Who are you?"

"I, Secret Leader of Nabesoft, cannot reveal that."

Defeated, Excel stood still, alone with her thoughts. And, apparently, someone else's.

_Hah! Little does she know that I, Elgala, am going to kill her! I, Elgala, may not be top officer in the manga, but in this world, maybe I have a chan… Why's she looking at me like that?_


End file.
